It is a very strange point in my life now. I turn 25 in less than 2 weeks; and if you ask me: Am I what I wanted to be at 25? I am undecided.
This is a season of changes for me. Friends getting married; people going off far far away; my parents almost into retirement. And me? Well; I am just going where the wind takes me; rudderless. I suppose that’s not how it should be once you are 25. You need to have a sense of direction I suppose; but even as I write that; it is extremely difficult for my mind to consider that reality. My friends tell me I still act like a teenager sometimes and some others say I act like a 50 year old. Maybe they are right. But what’s a 25 year old supposed to act like? Well – I am even more confused.
The easy-go attitude seems to be very difficult to shake off for me. Nothing affects me profoundly; despite my outer mask suggesting otherwise. You call me; I always pick up. There’s no bad moment to talk to me. I have seen many people tell; this is a bad time to talk. But honestly I don’t remember a moment (ok one; but that’s it!) when I’ve said that. Others of my age have already started tackling life’s difficult tasks and they already have had that turning point but I am somehow stuck. I started building a house on my own (“my own” is relative) and I thought such a huge responsibility would mean that would make my life change. But it didn’t. Even that for me seems to be a snippet for conversation with my friends and nothing more. It doesn’t give me the tension I wanted it to give me. But no. Not even that. Some people say that’s a good thing; but no; not for me. I am bored; I need some stress to cure it I suppose and to feel like not being an alien in a strange planet.
I have a job I like (despite peer pressure to not; hating your job seems to be in-fashion); I have a steady income; I am surrounded by friends; I have a supportive family and my problems are miniscule compared to others’. Even then I feel incomplete. Every single day; even the productive ones; even the entertaining ones; seems to be one more day wasted. But “wasted” vs what? I am unable to define that.
Is this my quarter life crisis? I think so… and I have no clue as to what the remedy is. Here’s going back to where the wind takes me… see you at the next place I crash into.